When the Chrysler Building Feels Like Home
This letter is part of Nina's epistolary blog 'Nina's Diary', where she shares letters with her inner circle of close girlfriends. She overthinks films, books, and heritage sites to make sense of life.
Paris, August 30, 1958
Dearest Billie,
I’ve escaped! It is Saturday afternoon and my flat in Montmartre is currently a furnace… It is pressed right under the roof. It might be charming in postcards, but at 79°F, it feels like a gilded cage. I’ve brought my stationery down to the banks of the Seine. There is a slight breeze off the water here that makes the humidity of the city almost bearable.
Thank you for the 1932 photo of the Chrysler Building. It arrived just when I needed it. I’ve pinned it right above my bed, next to the Brando photo Millie sent. Seeing those silver arches... it hit me with a wave of nostalgia I wasn't prepared for. New York feels so familiar, so settled in my mind. Here, I am still searching for my footing.
Sometimes, Billie, I feel I am being terribly ungrateful. I look at my life from the outside… I have been helped so much by Hazel and by you, and I found the job at the OEEC* to pay the bills relatively quickly. I have what so many newcomers dream of, yet I still feel this persistent unease.
Every morning when I walk through the doors of the office, I feel like I’ve been teleported back to the States. It’s exactly what I came to Paris to escape. I’m here to meet new people, to have my mind stimulated, to see the world through a lens that makes me a better photographer.. but it’s been nearly seven months, and I feel like I’m still standing on the edge of the party, looking in through the glass.
I wonder if it’s because of those shots I sent to the New York Herald Tribune. Getting that rejection... it felt like a door slamming shut in my face before I even reached the threshold. It makes me question if I lack the courage to see this through.
It doesn't help that I still feel so clumsy with the language. I’m working on my French, truly, but I still feel the sting of being an outsider every time I stumble over a verb or catch a waiter's impatient sigh.
Someone told me it takes two years to truly find your marks in a foreign country. I hope they were exaggerating, because some days, the cobblestones still feel like they’re shifting under my feet. The girls in the flat are pleasant enough, but all they can talk about is boys. I connect better with Lilly. She is thoughtful and we exchange books. She told me to read Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. I’ll write to you about it next time.
I'm sitting here watching the Bateaux-Mouches pass by, wondering when I'll stop feeling like a tourist in my own life...
With love from the riverbank,
Nina
Chrysler Building: Time-Traveler Crush 🕰️🕰️🕰️
💌 Read Nina's Next Letter: Why You Must Read The Count of Monte Cristo
This photograph of The Chrysler Building is part of Billie's Iconic New York Polaroid Collection: 12 historical snapshots printed on real Instax Square film.